My memories flare and fire with only the finest aesthetics of a past that I was certainly in, but I often deem myself as only a secondary character, if even that. The very real idea that nostalgia is both a useful tool and also a weapon if it isn’t paired with something that approaches a type of rigorous honesty. There is the trick of nostalgia that I spend a lot of time playing with in my own writing, and somewhat tormented by in my own living. The past can feel less hellish than the present if we are, sometimes, not fully honest with ourselves. I Was Trying To Describe You To Someone soaked into my summer of 2020, and in sound, in spirit, in central concerns and the execution of them, it took me back to an era before the current era, which I’d needed at the time. They simply arrived, as if we’d been traveling toward each other our whole lives. The band came to me and I don’t remember how, or why.
It was easier, it seemed, to spiral into a not-so-distant glorious past, to use memory as a tool of both excitement and healing.īut, speaking of excitement, I like to stumble towards a band with no agenda, no purpose, uncovering sound almost on accident. Taking inventory of the real, physical self is difficult work, work that I’m not entirely opposed to but work that became immediately more treacherous for me when I had to witness the very real toll that time, modern anxieties, isolation, and boredom were taking on me. How to avoid spending too much time in them, most days. In a long and emotionally exhausting year of being inside (alone, in my case,) I have found myself thinking about mirrors.
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